Newswire : October 2, 2005
Congress today announced that the office of President of
the United States
of America will be outsourced to overseas interests as of December 31st.
The move is being made to save not only a significant portion of the
$400,000.00 yearly salary, but also a record $521 billion in deficit
expenditures and related overhead.
"We believe this is a wise move financially. The cost savings should be
significant," stated Congressman Thomas Reynolds (R-Wash.).
Reynolds, with the aid of the Government Accountability Office, has
studied outsourcing of American jobs extensively."We cannot expect to
competitive on the world stage with the current level of cash outlay,"
Mr. Bush was informed by email this morning of his termination.
Preparations for the job move have been underway for some time.
Gurvinder Singh of Indus Teleservices, Mumbai, India will be
assuming the office of President as of January 1st. Mr. Singh was born in
the United States while his Indian parents were vacationing at Niagara
Falls, thus making him eligible for the position. He will receive a salary
of $320 (USD) a month but with no health coverage or other benefits.
It is believed that Mr. Singh will be able to handle his job
responsibilities without support staff. Due to the time difference
between the US and India, he will be working primarily at night, when few
offices of the US Government will be open.
"Working nights will allow me to keep my day job at the American
Express call center," stated Mr. Singh in an exclusive interview. "I
am excited about this position. I always hoped I would be President some
A Congressional spokesperson noted that while Mr. Singh may not be
fully aware of all the issues involved in the office of President, this
should not be a problem.
Mr. Singh will rely upon a script tree
that will enable him to respond effectively to most topics of
concern. Using this tree, he can address common concerns without
having to understand the underlying issues at all.
"We know these scripting tools work," stated the spokesperson. "Mr.
Bush has used them successfully for years."
Mr. Bush will receive health coverage, expenses, and salary until
his final day of employment. Following a two week waiting period, he will
eligible for $240 dollars a week unemployment for 13 weeks.
Unfortunately he will not be eligible for Medicaid as his unemployment
benefits will exceed the allowed limit.
Mr. Bush has been provided the out placement services of Manpower, Inc. to
help him write a resume and prepare for his upcoming job transition.
According to Manpower, Mr. Bush may have difficulties in securing a new
position due to limited practical work experience. One possibility is
re-enlistment in the Air National Guard. Should he choose this option, he
would likely be stationed in Iraq,a country he has visited.
"I've been there, I know all about Iraq," stated Mr. Bush, who gained
invaluable knowledge of the country in a visit to the Baghdad Airport's
terminal and gift shop.Sources in Baghdad and Falluja say Mr. Bush would
receive a warm reception from local Iraqis. They have asked to be provided
with details of his arrival so that they might arrange an appropriate